Friday, February 4, 2011

Word...

Several blogs and articles that I have read recently encouraged one to choose a word that reflected what he/she wanted to achieve/work on/gain throughout the year. Some mentioned that they chose grace, love, health, etc. So, since I'm not all that great with sticking to my "New Year Resolutions", I decided that this would be a wonderful way to develop something that I needed in my life.

I spent many hours, seriously, contemplating what needed to be my "word of the year". After much thought and reflection, I knew that my word would be "PLAY". That's right. Weird, I know. But I realized that "PLAY" is what I needed more of in my life.

Hello, my name is Heather, and I am a recovering perfectionist. And I take everything very serious.

Some may not see me as that, but I used to spend much of my time worrying about something not being perfect or up to some one's approval. Because of that trait, I ALWAYS thought I needed a spotless house, laundry caught up, perfect grades, students and parents who thought I could do no wrong, pictures taken just so, ...you get the point.

After miscarrying our first child, I was determined that I would worry and stress less. Once I gave birth to our adorable Audrey, I vowed to work on not having everything "perfect". Honestly, I did pretty good with that resolution. (Just come look at my house :) )

But, I still took everything so serious in life. EVERYTHING. Now, I can laugh and have a good time (sometimes), but work, chores and such HAD to be done. When they aren't my nerves begin to unravel.

Then, God blessed us with another bundle of joy, Addison. With her birth, a whole new world opened before me. I became a "work at home" mommy. I gave up my 8-5 office job, and began working on contract from home for the same employer so that I could continue to work for the income as well as get to be home with my babes. Yes, I was/am very blessed to be able to have the best of both worlds...but it continued to make me handle things so seriously.

Of course, I was home with my girls 24/7 and we had lots of fun together. But I frequently found myself telling them, "I can't play/read/snuggle because I have to work/wash clothes/put up dishes...blah, blah, blah...

When thinking about my "word" it hit me that I didn't want my brief, fleeting time at home with my little ones to be overtaken by the "I can't because..." syndrome. It defeats the whole reason for me being home.

So all that rambling to say...I am working really hard to PLAY more. And that is very difficult for me! By making a conscious effort to stop what I'm doing/worrying about and PLAY with my girls, I'm hoping it becomes a habit. I'm hoping to learn to laugh they way they laugh, love they way they love,and imagine they way they imagine.

In the end, we may be overtaken by dirty clothes and dishes, eat lots of PB&J sandwiches, and have lots of dust on our shelves...but I want to look back and know that my time with my little girls was well spent and that I have no regrets.

As I was thinking about this post and writing it. I hopped over to my dear friend/role model Nan's blog post for today here. And WhaLaa! I think she wrote this just for me. It spoke deeply to my heart. After shedding a few tears, I knew that God wanted me to learn to PLAY. So Nan, thanks for helping me, once again, put my life into perspective.

Now, the girls are finished napping...time for me to go PLAY!